a pen to chew and a pen to write

The taste of plastic as it heats in my mouth
Endless notes on “what we talk about when we talk about love”
Warm Sumatra crosses my pallet
Reminding me of the numb spot on the tip of my tongue
From where it pressed against the bitten pen
Nicolay: the backdrop to my thoughts
Final paper of a semester burnt out
Ashes grace the pages
Smoke overcomes the former notion of still air
And I’ve yet to write much more than a paragraph
A story of love with no conclusion as to its true nature
Other than that expressed through stories
Am I any better to put it into words
The light presses through my dilated pupils
No, I would only reminisce
What would you say if I were to ask
You’d probably pause, think, and stare
But not into my eyes
You’d look over my shoulder, imagine her
And smile



I was born in a cage
White lights pretty beige
Pupils pinned eyes water
Take me home
Another stage
Broke free when I was three
Daddy said I’d flee
Wanna live and build
Picked up some tools
That’s me
Toke apart the jack in the box
Wondered how he popped
Spun his little crank
Scared me out my little sox
As he mocked me with his bounce
“You’ll never find me out”
Then I sat there with jack all apart on the couch
So when I grew I became
Someone to discover
Life, meaning, and everything that makes me wonder
Though a hard road forward
Now I’m on my line
Or a circle depending how you think of time
So I’ve been here before
Been all I can be
Wondered what it’s like to have all eyes on me
Though it’s not a wish or a fantasy
Just want to makes a change in this world’s helpless need
So I’ll sit back and finish school
Join the Peace Corps
Get a taste of the world
Because I know I need more
What’s in store

bathroom walls

Why am I hear
Trapped in culture
Social norms
I embrace
This life is bitter
Twisted sweet
Work then die
But enjoy your free time
Don’t cry
Accept it
Though I’d rather not
This American life
Selfish and greedy
Sex and fake interpretations of freedom
Careless faces walk along hollow hulls
Doing worthless jobs for worthless people
All for a “better life”
And Unconscious
Wake up
I’d rather sleep


Last week I accidently pulled out someone’s UPS, so of course that annoying beep ensued and took me by surprise in this emotionless corner of our building, but I was comforted by the thought that I hadn’t lost any of this guys work. So later on in the day a women comes by my cube, not the man who’s UPS I unintentionally disconnected, but his neighbor, and she tells me I lost all his work. I immediately stood up and walked to the man’s cube to apologize; he took it with a slight fuck-off face, but I was curious: “don’t you have a UPS, it was clearly working”. To this it was as though he thought I sabotaged him or something. I replied to his introverted look of distain: “well than it’s clearly broken, you should get a new one before the power goes out, it happens a lot here”. I wasn’t being sneer or sarcastic, I was simply looking beyond what had happened as the irreversible past and looking toward what could help a similar situation from occurring in the future. “It’s not broken; I’ve only had it for 3 months”. Clearly this was a stubborn man.

So this morning I had to go back to this man’s cube to have a VPN port activated. I didn’t mention that I’m actually piggybacking off his intranet connection, but anyway, IT was supposed to have done this last week. Needless to say I was egger to have it live this morning, so I recorded the information to bring to IT (it’s still not done(I suppose I write more when left without the world wide web at my finger tips)). What I found was when recording the information was something of bewilderment; the man plugged his two units into the “surge protector” outlets, not the “backup power” ones. Hey, whatever, you know, people make mistakes, hell I did when I accidently ripped his plugs out, that’s not what bothers me. What bothers me is this woman who initially confronted me about the issue; I walked past her this morning and she wouldn’t give me the time of day; except for her shallow, condescending, walk-past-without-looking-you-in-the-eye face.

But the guy seems cool; I just talked to him and let him know about the issue; he seems… apologetic, maybe even a little embarrassed. While I wish I could say I don’t make judgments about people, I do. And it doesn’t take much. Simply the way you carry yourself, the way you look at people, etc… but I question this woman’s opinion of me. I’ll never understand why people look down at others the way they do.

silence is so loud

Yesterday I stumbled upon a writing by a deaf women. She spoke of how loud she thought she was throughout her days, how even her breath seemed to fill the entire room with noise. Anyway this song reminded me of that…

twenty paces

Gunshots and motor homes
Unearthed roots through gravel roads
Highways live in the background
They’d never know
Though the face tells all
A life accepted, but unexpected
Never silent
Always dreaming

from ten till infinity

A life full of wonder
Yet only when left to
Otherwise oblivious
Unconscious and happy
Mirrors of the past
Inversed from what was
Framed by perception
Is it as you remember
Would it matter otherwise
We live our lives now
Simple smiles and laughing hearts
Green grass waving in the wind
Blue skies above dancing clouds
Eternal memories
Life doesn’t have to be perfect. In fact if it were, there would be nothing to relate true happiness to, though perfection is conceived through opinion and perception. I just wish some moments would never end…